Monday, March 28, 2022

“Shameless Self Promotion”

Throughout the years of being a content creator. I have been accused of “self promotion” a couple of times. Though once recently, which made me think inward a little and it provoked an interesting discussion with my other half.
Actually, I’m surprised I haven’t been accused of it more often to be honest. I’m aware that I shamelessly share my videos and content around social media and groups etc. So only being accused of “Self promotion” a handful of times actually surprises me. Oh how wonderfully patient you all are with me :o))

But after that interesting discussion, I wanted to share a little of my thoughts here about it.


For the sake of context (because context is key, especially with regards to having a nice rational discussion or point of view) I’ll share a summary of my background.
I basically came from a past of naturally selling myself short, It’s how the surroundings shaped my mind. And where I believe my shyness comes from. I did a lot with my projects back in the day, despite someone telling me:
“Maddi! You don’t look good shopping for electrical components”
as I was shopping in a Tandy Store for LEDs, E10 torch bulbs, pp3 battery clips and switches at the tender age of eight. (Yeah the “weird” kid). The only one who gave any sort of support was my oldest brother, he knew what I liked and let me be. He’s the one who got the Amiga 500 and introduced me to Pac-Mania.


It’s difficult as it is being a shy and quiet nerdy type, and being a girl on top of that, adds a whole paradoxical dimension to the situation. Luckily I was left to my own devices at home, everyone was just too busy in their own lives, so I was mostly in a different room doing my own thing. It did, however, come at a bit of a price, socially. After the many encounters with subtle and underhanded negative reinforcement dotted throughout my life. At a period of time like my teens, what other conclusion does one come to other than thinking about keeping it all to oneself to avoid conflict for everybody else’s comfort. It’s only natural that a teen’s confidence gets chipped little by little over time.

As a result, In my late teens, I stopped doing any electronics, my music creation slowed down in my early 20s. I kept at this constriction and “keeping the peace” until the age of 32.
So what has burst this bubble? Well, it started dawning on me that “keeping the peace” externally by keeping everyone else comfortable, didn’t keep me at peace internally.

A recent birthday leaves me 39 years old and with not all that much to show for it. Another thing that made me ponder about all this. I won’t lie, I regret the curbing of my passions now and feel many years have been lost and wasted keeping other people’s insecurities in their comfort zone. I’ve learned a harsh lesson, that a lot of people out there do not actually want you to be you, not in the real sense.


They want you to be the pawn on their little chessboard, or maybe you can eventually graduate to be a knight, bishop or even a queen if they’re feeling generous or having a good day, but as long as you are within the conforms of their little chessboard. And as time goes on, I’m realising this is more apparent than I initially thought.


So the breaking point was when I just began to express my passion for electronics, Amiga and all the “nerdy stuff” and “arty farty” stuff once again, but as an adult this time. At age 32, I started enjoying things and letting my passions flow. And it began again. “What’s the point of her doing all this?”. “Why is she so weird” and “She’ll never find a husband doing all this”. I remember an uncle once telling me “you know what would suit you more than all this stuff? Being a carer, because you care for other people’s feelings so much, I say you should go for that. It is best for you”.

I looked at him quietly after he said that and he struggled to maintain eye contact for too long.

I’m all for caring for people and empathy, as I’m naturally an ‘empath’ apparently. But 35 years of emotional servitude for other people’s “feelings” and insecurities has left me barren and derelict. And not just any people, it happens with strangers a lot, but when it’s people who you’d think would be looking out for you, protect you, love you or encourage you. Sure, actions speak volumes, but not without consistency and purity.

Caring for someone who truly loves and cares for you or truly genuinely needs it, if they’re a stranger, is a must. It’s unconditional by nature and you’re not f**king supposed to be underhandedly punished for it, devalued for it, manipulated and taken advantage of. There is absolutely no excuse for this outright evil.

But caring and sacrificing for someone who is tortured internally by your success and tortured by your unwillingness to conform to the image of you which they have in their mind, and the position you ’should’ be in, is outright self-sabotage. It doesn’t matter how they present their discomfort to you, no doubt in a manipulative or underhanded manner.

At this point, it was 2015, I had started my Youtube channel and was playing Minecraft on it, creating videos for my niece and young cousin, who both used to watch my videos as the three of us were into Minecraft in a big way at the time.

So just out of curiosity, I confided in an acquaintance about all this and talked about people’s reactions towards me being into things like this, just to directly seek some outsider perspective.
His response was “Well, you will find that people will not like you for being into all this, people don’t like it if you do things that they don’t understand, or if you do things which they cannot do. So I say, it’s best to hide your passions and don’t let anyone know you do all this.”

Even though slowly nodding my head while listening to his “advice”, I was calm on the outside, but I felt something within me, snap, on the inside. Said “Thanks for the advice”.

I think by now, those of you who know me, truly, know where the “I’m going to do what I do, whether you like it or not” attitude comes from, that ‘snap’ which, by the way, is also the ignition to my youtube channel and all what I do till this day.


Yeah, I know I do a lot of “shameless self promotion”. But in a world where many who have tried to hold me back behind the scenes, especially for doing things the honest and genuine way, off the cuff . I don’t have any team to help me set things up or give me ideas or edit my videos, I’m not part of any “I scratch your back and you scratch mine” elite society or club, I don’t have any special advantage in life, in fact quite the contrary, i’ve had to fight my way through things more. All what I do, I did by myself from the ground up with people trying to water down my foundation before it sets.

So if I don’t share my videos or promote my hard work and effort, my artwork, then who else will?!

How does an artist put their artwork out there? They go to exhibitions.

1. To hold forth or present to view; to produce publicly, for
inspection; to show, especially in order to attract notice
to what is interesting; to display; as, to exhibit
commodities in a warehouse, a picture in a gallery.
[1913 Webster]”

For those of you who have supported me and love me, especially my other half, Rich, my true friends and family. I wish to say a huge thank you. As well as those of you out there who comment positively, encourage, support and say warm things, make that genuine effort to relate with me, correct me whenever I put myself down, now you know a little more why I reply to your comments and say “This means more than you realise”.

As for those who resent me, have spread stupid rumours about me, who have tried to jeopardise me and my efforts. who still resent me for doing all this, for knowing what I know, and doing what I do. Making something of myself and putting myself out there, I suggest you get up off your ass and do something, open your mind (it may hurt a little but don’t worry, it won’t kill you) get over yourself, open your heart, find your passion, learn something, work hard and fight for your passion just like I did and still am doing, instead of sitting on your ass, sucking lemons and spitting pips everywhere.





Right on!


Very appreciative of the support in response to this post. Thank you!